My Last Day Until...

Today is my last day of work. My last day at Cy-Fair Medical Center and my last day to be a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. Maybe forever. Maybe not. I'm not sure about that. What I am sure about is that my most important job is being a mother, and I need to put as much time and energy into that job as I can.

This all came about after the Mom Heart conference I attended in February. While reflecting on the things I heard and learned and the things I felt that God showed me at the conference, I realized that my current job really didn't fit into my vision for my family, for several reasons. My job is very stressful and besides being physically away from my family on the days and nights that I work, I am also usually emotionally and mentally checked out the next day because I am exhausted. I realized that my family is being sacrificed for this job, and I don't even enjoy the job! That doesn't make sense. Why am I doing that to my family?

I took the job 1 1/2 years ago because I wanted to keep my skills sharp and my knowledge current so that when the girls were older, I could go back to work easily. Again, I realized that just doesn't make sense. I'm working part-time now and not enjoying it so that later I can work full-time and really, really not enjoy it? What was I thinking? I realized that I was holding onto this job because I wasn't trusting God with my future. I wasn't trusting that if I went away from the field for 2 or 4 or 8 years, that God would still be able to provide the right job for me. I hate when I realize that I'm not trusting God with my future because I feel so stupid. Who else can I trust with my future? Myself? Not hardly!!

So, after much prayer and a few discussions, I turned in my resignation. And once I did that, I couldn't wait to be done. I am positive that this is what God wants for me and my family right now. And that feels really good. I am a little sad to be leaving the nurses here because they are good nurses and really great people. I'm also a little nervous because the future is uncertain. I don't know if I'll ever do this kind of work again, and I know I will miss it. But I am trusting that God has a plan for me and whether it includes working as a nurse or nurse practitioner, or teaching, or running a bed and breakfast, or just being a mom, it is the best plan for my life. I choose to have faith in that. I'm so happy and I'm really looking forward to having a little more freedom and a little less stress in my life for a while. Yippee!