Only the Strong Survive

Okay, I hate that this is my first post after coming home from Hawaii because I know how it must look. But the issues that I'm talking about began before we went on vacation. It was actually the perfect time for us to "get away".

I recently weaned off the anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication that I had been on for a year to treat severe postpartum depression/anxiety that I had when Pumpkin was a baby. (Well, I don't know if the psychologists would call it severe, but it was certainly severe in my book.) Anyway, after weaning off the medication, I noticed that I seemed to be very irritable, especially when dealing with my girls. I just didn't have much patience with them, and I would blow up at the littlest things. I just felt unable to control my emotions at times. After talking with friends, my mother, and my psychiatrist, I have realized that this is not a side effect of the medicine getting out of my system...this is motherhood. This is how it feels to be a mother of two small adorable, imperfect children without a double dose of my "happy hormone". It's hard. Welcome back to reality, Amy! I recently picked up a Mothers' Day card that has a picture of a mother in bed with the covers over her head while her three adorable children run around her making a disaster of her house, and the caption reads, "Motherhood...only the strong survive". I thought, "my sentiments exactly!" Motherhood is certainly the hardest job I have ever had, and it was still hard with my double dose of happy hormone. It's that much harder now.

The great thing is that I am once again driven to the cross every day. I have started asking for patience and understanding and gentleness toward my children at the beginning of each day before I even get out of bed. Once again I am realizing what God meant when he said he would not give us more than we can handle with his help. But he does give us more than we can handle alone, so that we would be driven to Him. Honestly, I like being driven to Him. I am so thankful for his grace and mercy, and so glad that I am not in this alone. More than anything in the world, I want to be a good mother, and I know that I can't do it alone. But I also know that God wants the same thing for me, and He will give me what I need whether it's patience, understanding, a piece of chocolate, or an hour of time to myself, so that I will be successful. Thank you Jesus!